He was my lesson. Not my forever.
It didn't work out as I thought it would. And it hurt like hell. You'll be #vulnerable. You'll love, you'll break, you'll fall and also get up. You'll learn and observe situations and things. You'll laugh out loud and cry alone silently. You'll have many people around but you'll have none at the same time. But you get that kind of quiet strength. The one that resolves to start again tomorrow, that acknowledges yourself for trying, and that will get you every where that you need to go. You get to the point you will not beg for someone's time or try to convince anyone to choose you. That is when you finally become a person you ideally are suppose to be.
When you can acknowledge every quiet, small, unseen act of courage that brings you to now, your heart will gradually reopen after it fractured. That difficult healing was necessary to turn away from self doubt. I have been on my own awhile now since my last relationship with Myles McDreamy and I had grown accustomed to shaping my own agenda without having to take account of somebody else's wishes.
Now the important question is - what are you filling your heart with?
• You are a golden thing in this heavy, heavy world. Some people are just light, glow, and hope. Let's toast to you human stars.
• Location: Siam Kempinski Hotel l Bangkok, Thailand
I'm the type of person who loves with the entire force of the universe and it feels too much to ask another human to take that in. But the world is too big and I have too much too ofter. As I strongly believe, the universe will conjure everything possible to give you what you want. I am the best of what I have to be and what I always wanted to be.
Relationships have a #bonsai energy. It is a tree in a pot with trimmed roots and clipped limbs. Mind you, the bonsai has its beauty as a direct result of such constriction. Relationships should have it both ways - all equal parts of intimacy and #autonomy in our lives. The balance of empowering without disempowering, enabling without disabling, fulfilling without burdening. The magic word here is balance.
In the beginning, you barely know each other. You don’t know each other’s middle names or your favorite colors yet. You haven’t discovered each other’s quirks, your #idiosyncrasies, your secret kinks and repressed insanities. You don’t even know if he’s a cow eater or a sushi lover. But over time you learn all of this.
You create a million tiny universes as your love evolves. Slowly, you realize you love them for their #flaws. You love their hang-ups and their idiosyncrasies. You love him because of these things, not despite them. Because, because, because.
Every relationship has to make up the rules and #boundaries of their story as they go along. A relationship is what happens “between the memorable.” Most recall vacations and emergencies and the rest of it blends into a blurry sort of daily #sameness. But it is that very blurred sameness, those 2000 indistinguishable conversations, chatted over 2000 indistinguishable breakfasts, where intimacy turns a slow wheel. How you do measure the worth of becoming that familiar to somebody? So utterly well known and so thoroughly ever present that you become an almost invisible necessity, like air? That degree of intimacy is something beyond any explanation, beyond any argument that lust prevails over mundane insignificance.
You see, passion is like coal in the furnace. It turns the ordinary into the extraordinary. What happens in the heart, simply happens. Some people are just light, glow, #hope... human stars. They are a golden thing in this heavy world. I also strongly believe, no matter how many handsome or beautiful faces you set your eyes upon, if you already set your heart for someone, you will hardly notice anyone. It's more than your current relationship status. It's that little thing called faithfulness. Togetherness ♥
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