There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need to change your life, or you are the one that will change theirs.
"And please, say to me
You'll let me hold your hand
Now, let me hold your hand
I want to hold your hand"
• Heritage Square • Location: Flagstaff, AZ
Even the most wonderful "perfect" couple can break up. Two genuinely great people start off head-over-heels in love but then somewhere along the way, they arrive at a break up, shocking family and friends. No one but the two people in the perfect relationship know who they feel perfectly right about sharing their lives with each other. Every person has unique needs they hope their partner will fulfilll. In truth, you’re always going to love a person that you saw a future with. But one day you’ll wake up and that feeling won’t matter as much as it once did. Accept that someday what pains you now will surely pain you less.
At this juncture of my life, I believe in commitment but it isn't a husband I necessarily need. In my 30s, I had more than seven #engagement proposals I could live without. While we do not choose who we are attracted to, we definitely do choose who you fall in love with and more importantly who you stay in love with. Real love is a #commitment to an imperfect person. Real love is a constant and true. It's your safe space, #lighthouse, north star. Whenever we are lost, we anchor ourselves and find strength in the love we have chosen. Everyone needs someone to share the emotional burdens of every day life - #rejection, career setbacks, money worries, adulting responsibilities, despair...someone who has your back. Someone steadfast. Someone committed.
Dating brings out lousy behavior in people.
In the past, I developed a proclivity for falling for men who did not value commitment or worse, did not value me. Men who wooed me zealously would ultimately criticize or try to change the adoring elements that drew them to me. I was too fiercely independent, too optimistic, too strong willed and driven. I started to wonder if I was uniquely cursed. Maybe if I played the card of being less pretty and dumber I could have a man commit easier. But that is not yours truly. I have an unshakeable worthiness and self love for myself. I deserve the love I give away.
I have come to know so many people who decidedly give up on love. I believe so many choose solitude because it offers freedom and possibility, no more wanting or keeping an eye out for love, dating. Their happiness was solely up to them.
I am not one of those people. I would not advocate for solitude. I am a hopeful romantic.
I believe in the power of words. It helps us reset our intentions, clarify our thoughts, and create a counternarrative to the voice of doubt many of us have murmuring in our heads. It is why I am compelled to scribble pen to paper in journals, writing even on the backs of ripped-open envelopes, words tacked on post its of every space I know. There are stories hidden in the language we use, whether we are conscious of them or not. They tell the truth of our hearts and minds.
Words having these five characteristics are words well-spoken, words that the wise do not criticize: spoken at the proper time; spoken in line with the #truth, spoken gently, spoken beneficially, and spoken with a friendly heart. Don't raise your voice. Improve your argument. Here's my argument for love.
I have cleared, created a space in my life for love. Choosing to love someone is one of the most beautiful things about love. Real love asks us to do hard things - to #forgive one another, to #support each other’s dreams, to #comfort in times of grief, to stay steady during times of crisis and despair, or to care for family. Real love isn’t easy - nothing like your first dates or the first month dating - but it’s far more meaningful and wonderful.
No one stays in love without work. No one falls out of love without choice.
I believe love is plentiful as oxygen and you simply have to breathe it in. Personally, I thrive best in a relationship because being partnered is far better to me. I have such a joyful life that I fill each moment with the very things that would make me happy. I do things for my own pleasure and prosperity. I prioritize myself exclusively. My self care makes me healthier and much happier. I experience my life and thrive.
The question about who you will love and when you will love them is out of your hands. It is a mystery that you cannot solve. It is not about fretting over your romantic status. You don't have to move fast or far. You can go just an inch. You can mark your progress breath by breath. Breathe in acceptance and breathe out love. Breathe in gratitude and out forgiveness.
Whatever happens to you belongs to you. You do not have to be stuck in the narrative of heartbreak. You can move forward after a break up. It does not have to absorb all of your emotional energy or determine your mood. There is still life and love out there. That is how you become a hopeful romantic ♥
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