Tiny Universes. Golden Stars.

He was my lesson. Not my forever.

It didn't work out as I thought it would. And it hurt like hell. You'll be #vulnerable. You'll love, you'll break, you'll fall and also get up. You'll learn and observe situations and things. You'll laugh out loud and cry alone silently. You'll have many people around but you'll have none at the same time. But you get that kind of quiet strength. The one that resolves to start again tomorrow, that acknowledges yourself for trying, and that will get you every where that you need to go. You get to the point you will not beg for someone's time or try to convince anyone to choose you. That is when you finally become a person you ideally are suppose to be.

When you can acknowledge every quiet, small, unseen act of courage that brings you to now, your heart will gradually reopen after it fractured. That difficult healing was necessary to turn away from self doubt. I have been on my own awhile now since my last relationship with Myles McDreamy and I had grown accustomed to shaping my own agenda without having to take account of somebody else's wishes.

Now the important question is - what are you filling your heart with?

• You are a golden thing in this heavy, heavy world. Some people are just light, glow, and hope. Let's toast to you human stars.

• Location: Siam Kempinski Hotel l Bangkok, Thailand

I'm the type of person who loves with the entire force of the universe and it feels too much to ask another human to take that in. But the world is too big and I have too much too ofter. As I strongly believe, the universe will conjure everything possible to give you what you want. I am the best of what I have to be and what I always wanted to be.

Relationships have a #bonsai energy. It is a tree in a pot with trimmed roots and clipped limbs. Mind you, the bonsai has its beauty as a direct result of such constriction. Relationships should have it both ways - all equal parts of intimacy and #autonomy in our lives. The balance of empowering without disempowering, enabling without disabling, fulfilling without burdening. The magic word here is balance.

In the beginning, you barely know each other. You don’t know each other’s middle names or your favorite colors yet. You haven’t discovered each other’s quirks, your #idiosyncrasies, your secret kinks and repressed insanities. You don’t even know if he’s a cow eater or a sushi lover. But over time you learn all of this.

You create a million tiny universes as your love evolves. Slowly, you realize you love them for their #flaws. You love their hang-ups and their idiosyncrasies. You love him because of these things, not despite them. Because, because, because.

Every relationship has to make up the rules and #boundaries of their story as they go along. A relationship is what happens “between the memorable.” Most recall vacations and emergencies and the rest of it blends into a blurry sort of daily #sameness. But it is that very blurred sameness, those 2000 indistinguishable conversations, chatted over 2000 indistinguishable breakfasts, where intimacy turns a slow wheel. How you do measure the worth of becoming that familiar to somebody? So utterly well known and so thoroughly ever present that you become an almost invisible necessity, like air? That degree of intimacy is something beyond any explanation, beyond any argument that lust prevails over mundane insignificance.

You see, passion is like coal in the furnace. It turns the ordinary into the extraordinary. What happens in the heart, simply happens. Some people are just light, glow, #hope... human stars. They are a golden thing in this heavy world. I also strongly believe, no matter how many handsome or beautiful faces you set your eyes upon, if you already set your heart for someone, you will hardly notice anyone. It's more than your current relationship status. It's that little thing called faithfulness. Togetherness ♥

Korean Corn Dogs and Oreo Ice Cream in Bubble Waffle

♥ What do we learn from cows, buffalos, and elephants? It's impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass, salads, and walking! The nation is going through an excessive heat wave so discovered these two gems while braving the triple digit heat in Arizona. If you haven't tried Myungrang Hotdogs in Mesa or Cha Tea in the H Mart plaza, you need to head over there! Did you know 14 muscles are activated when holding a corn dog or eating a bubble waffle cone? Fitness is my passion.

#diabeticfoodie #tinygirlbigappetite #delishcarbswithcuteboy #eatprickworkout #oreo #koreanhotdog #travel

bon_vivi_ant_eats • Mozzarella Corn Dog l Carb Count: 30g • Half Mozzarella and Half Cheddar Corn Dog l Carb Count: 38g • Oreo Ice Cream in Bubble Waffle l Carb Count: 54g • Location: Mesa, AZ

*Nutrition facts are estimates only*

Dating All Wrong: Love and Let Go

Until you change your thinking, you will always recycle your experiences.

Can we pick better romantic partners? I recently was reading a data research study on the science of dating. It's the most consequential question in a person's life to determine who they marry but we don't rely on science to help navigate our dating experience. The conclusion was NO. There you have it folks. The scientist are as clueless as the rest of us. Scientists confirmed that given how unpredictable relationships can be, there was little power predicting how happy two people will be in a relationship.

What a letdown right? Well the biggest lesson they did derive - we are dating all wrong. How? The traits you seek in the dating world do not correlate with romantic happiness and long term success. I admit that I completely agree. The things we seek in our dating arena do not translate to the relationship longevity for marriage status. For some of you, it is same story, different leading partner. Humans tend to be creatures of comfort.

• Love and let go so you can live a great story... it may be a life story together or love story even, let alone the combination of the two.

• Location: Kauai, HI

I learned this recently and very heartbreakingly. You can be very deeply in love and the relationship was a magical love story. But even so, it was not enough to keep the two of us together through better or worse. A lot of that attributes to personal growth to the relationship and individuals in it. It is still a very valuable time. You can split up on mutually agreeable terms so not to hurt any of the parties involved.

How you were loved will reflect how you will love. People want what is familiar. There is safety in familiarity. When you get reactive, be aware. Be mindful. You have a wound that is asking to be healed. You can edit your reality as my therapist likes to remind me. Rewrite the story that goes through your head. With a little work, effort and commitment to yourself, you can get the love you deserve, want, and give away to others.

Below the trigger, is the pattern, is the wound, is the unmet need.

Get in there. Get in your head. Ask yourself why. What are the consistent patterns in your life? The biggest challenge is taking what is familiar to be unfamiliar and making an unfamiliar the new familiar. Unpacking versions of yourself that no longer suit you. You are no longer a child, that child. For me, the seven year old and the eighteen year old shouldn't be standing shoulder to shoulder with this current version. NO. Rather, my younger selves should have morphed into this person I have become and am so deeply proud of. Let go.

Love is not something to earn.

I have discussed this before. We all have nonnegotiables and I had to remind myself why Myles was not the right person for me. He's a runner, it's why I affectionately and befittingly named him that. The one thing I do not waver on is steadfastness. It is the one thing I search for in every man, every relationship, and the very reason I have passed on more than nine proposals. The signs were there in our first six months but I chose to overlook it because he had checked so much off the box. He checked the dating boxes. He did not check off the commitment boxes. Myles struggled with his own past trauma and they were not things for me to take personal accountability for nor should I have to.

But in typical fashion, I questioned my worthiness, my value and the relationship itself. For the first time in my life, I took all the risks and went in 100%. Over and over and over again, my past relationships reinforced that idea. Myles was no different. His actions reiterated that for me. He took the easy way out. Myles believed wholeheartedly he was unlovable. In turn, he decided to not make himself vulnerable enough to connect emotionally or to be present with me. Given that framing, I felt so unworthy, insignificant, and unvalued.

Often times, we don't know how to self-love. Sitting in my last session with my therapist who was talking kindly and reminding me all of my wonder and beauty, it was uncomfortable, unfamiliar. He reminded me how smart, strong, intelligent, passionate and authentic I am. That the positive energy, fire and authenticity I possessed are not to be crushed because a man has to protect his ego. Self-love in all people creates a positive ricochet of self-esteem, self-forgiveness, emotional communication, generosity and affection. Where there's a poverty of love in our own lives, surround yourself by true love.

I won't apologize for loving so hard. I crushed on Myles really hard. I will crush on someone else hard. Again. I will have a million tiny moments with someone again. Love and let go. ♥