Hopeful Romantic

There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need to change your life, or you are the one that will change theirs.

"And please, say to me

You'll let me hold your hand

Now, let me hold your hand

I want to hold your hand"

• Heritage Square • Location: Flagstaff, AZ

Even the most wonderful "perfect" couple can break up. Two genuinely great people start off head-over-heels in love but then somewhere along the way, they arrive at a break up, shocking family and friends. No one but the two people in the perfect relationship know who they feel perfectly right about sharing their lives with each other. Every person has unique needs they hope their partner will fulfilll. In truth, you’re always going to love a person that you saw a future with. But one day you’ll wake up and that feeling won’t matter as much as it once did. Accept that someday what pains you now will surely pain you less.

At this juncture of my life, I believe in commitment but it isn't a husband I necessarily need. In my 30s, I had more than seven #engagement proposals I could live without. While we do not choose who we are attracted to, we definitely do choose who you fall in love with and more importantly who you stay in love with. Real love is a #commitment to an imperfect person. Real love is a constant and true. It's your safe space, #lighthouse, north star. Whenever we are lost, we anchor ourselves and find strength in the love we have chosen. Everyone needs someone to share the emotional burdens of every day life - #rejection, career setbacks, money worries, adulting responsibilities, despair...someone who has your back. Someone steadfast. Someone committed.

Dating brings out lousy behavior in people.

In the past, I developed a proclivity for falling for men who did not value commitment or worse, did not value me. Men who wooed me zealously would ultimately criticize or try to change the adoring elements that drew them to me. I was too fiercely independent, too optimistic, too strong willed and driven. I started to wonder if I was uniquely cursed. Maybe if I played the card of being less pretty and dumber I could have a man commit easier. But that is not yours truly. I have an unshakeable worthiness and self love for myself. I deserve the love I give away.

I have come to know so many people who decidedly give up on love. I believe so many choose solitude because it offers freedom and possibility, no more wanting or keeping an eye out for love, dating. Their happiness was solely up to them.

I am not one of those people. I would not advocate for solitude. I am a hopeful romantic.

I believe in the power of words. It helps us reset our intentions, clarify our thoughts, and create a counternarrative to the voice of doubt many of us have murmuring in our heads. It is why I am compelled to scribble pen to paper in journals, writing even on the backs of ripped-open envelopes, words tacked on post its of every space I know. There are stories hidden in the language we use, whether we are conscious of them or not. They tell the truth of our hearts and minds.

Words having these five characteristics are words well-spoken, words that the wise do not criticize: spoken at the proper time; spoken in line with the #truth, spoken gently, spoken beneficially, and spoken with a friendly heart. Don't raise your voice. Improve your argument. Here's my argument for love.

I have cleared, created a space in my life for love. Choosing to love someone is one of the most beautiful things about love. Real love asks us to do hard things - to #forgive one another, to #support each other’s dreams, to #comfort in times of grief, to stay steady during times of crisis and despair, or to care for family. Real love isn’t easy - nothing like your first dates or the first month dating - but it’s far more meaningful and wonderful.

No one stays in love without work. No one falls out of love without choice.

I believe love is plentiful as oxygen and you simply have to breathe it in. Personally, I thrive best in a relationship because being partnered is far better to me. I have such a joyful life that I fill each moment with the very things that would make me happy. I do things for my own pleasure and prosperity. I prioritize myself exclusively. My self care makes me healthier and much happier. I experience my life and thrive.

The question about who you will love and when you will love them is out of your hands. It is a mystery that you cannot solve. It is not about fretting over your romantic status. You don't have to move fast or far. You can go just an inch. You can mark your progress breath by breath. Breathe in acceptance and breathe out love. Breathe in gratitude and out forgiveness.

Whatever happens to you belongs to you. You do not have to be stuck in the narrative of heartbreak. You can move forward after a break up. It does not have to absorb all of your emotional energy or determine your mood. There is still life and love out there. That is how you become a hopeful romantic ♥

Life is Seasonal

Life is seasonal...you either are having a storm, came into a storm, or went through a storm. But the quality of your life is parallel to the quality of your thoughts.

• With the changing seasons, comes new beginnings. This was the starting point for 2022 and unknowingly my midpoint checkin was also here from The Fairmont Waterfront • Location: Vancouver, Canada

As they say, more powerful than what we do once in a while, is what we do every day. More powerful than what we do every day, is what we do every moment. More powerful than what we do every moment, is what we do not do anymore.

Think of it like this. Reading a novel, the end always seems more important than the beginning. Even as you read the first few words, that last page beckons. That's why you keep reading. I'm now in the early stages of a story within the story of my life. There's a sense of nervous #anticipation about what the next page will hold. I try to fully experience what's happening now, knowing that this subchapter will have a very happy ending. It is like your future self is watching you right now through #memories.

My only goal in 2022, in life, right now is to be happy. Genuinely, intensely, and consistently happy, regardless of what that looks like to others.

To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure. Be an encourager. The world has enough critics.

There is nothing wrong with loving the crap out of everything. Negative people will find their walls. Never apologize for your enthusiasm. Never. Ever. Never. Be yourself, not some watered down version because you want to please others, fit in, or not offend anyone. Otherwise, you lose the power, the passion, the freedom, and most importantly, the joy of being uniquely you.

It is much easier to love yourself when you are being yourself.

Whatever your goal is for 2022, small, big, infinitesimal, be the person that smiles when someone looks at you. Be the person that says something positive when everyone else is complaining. Be the person that gives advice from the heart. Be the person that tips generously. Be THAT kind of person. Every season of the heart has its own perfect time and an important purpose. Resolve to live, not just endure, each season of your life ♥

Messy Protection

It is all messy. The hair. The bed. The words. The heart. Life.

It is only messy because you cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.

You have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it. You have to love it and move on. Be better for it. Then run as fast as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dream. To #heal, I believe love and #loving will make it well with your soul.

• Breathe in gratitude and out forgiveness. Breathe in acceptance and breathe out love. You can not protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.

• Location: Ubon Ratchathani, Thailand

If you feel you are a disaster, it is not forever. If you are a disaster, you are the most beautiful one I have ever seen. Think about it. Life is long. People both change and remain the same. That every one of us will need to fuck up and be forgiven. Make a home out of your body, live in yourself. Do not let people turn you into a #regret. Do not justify yourself. Do not deconstruct from the inside out. You #belong here. You belong here, not because you are lovely, but because you are more than that.

It is important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. Complete the circle. Simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door. Change the record. Clean the house. Get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are. One day, you will realize that there are some people you will never see again. At least, not in the same way. Including yourself. Those are meaningful departures.

I could quit being happy but I am not a quitter. I work on my happiness like a full time job.

I wanted to be a certain kind of woman. I wanted to be a certain kind of human. I wanted a certain kind of love and partner. I became that kind of woman. I found that certain love. If I could share some wisdom, particularly to the women in my life, and anyone I have yet to come across, wear your skin like a drunken apology. You do not have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your #success. You do not have to explain what you plan to do with your life. You do not have to justify your education by demonstrating its financial rewards. You do not have to maintain an impeccable credit score. Anyone who expects you to do any of those things has no sense of history or economics or science or the arts. They have no sense of life.

You do have to pay your own electric bill. You have to be kind. You have to give it all you got. You have to find people who love you truly and love them back with the same truth. But that is all. I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. It is important work. It is hard work.

You are going to be all right. All right is almost always where we all eventually land, even if we screw up entirely along the way.

The most terrible and beautiful and interesting things happen in a life. For some of you, those things have already happened. For me, sometimes it has felt like Groundhog Day, year after year, month to month, and day by day. Whatever happens to you belongs to you. Make it yours. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. Let it nurture you, because it will. I feel too much. Every word. Every action. Everything goes straight to my heart.

I hope you will be surprised and knowing. I hope you will always have love. I hope you will have days of ease and a great laugh. You need a reason to be unhappy, but you do not need a reason to be happy.

I hope you all soaked up awesomeness from the weekend to carry you through the beautiful week, otherwise I will share some of my overflow ♥